GROUCHY OLD GEAR GUY RANT
OK, I've been saving it up and can no longer keep silent. There are some things about gear (clothing, mostly), that I HATE.
Pockets: the main purpose of a pocket is TO PUT STUFF IN. Not to keep stuff out (snow, rain, leaves, pilfering fingers-- all these have separate solutions, NOT FLAPS). Flaps, buttons, and velcro should never ever appear on any pocket! Especially on a jacket, shell, parka or whatever, or on pants. What you want is a pocket big enough to hold your stuff, and most importantly, be able to get your hand into when you want. I can't begin to count the number of deflected reaches I have made for a glove in my LL Bean down jacket-- deflected by the flap that some well- meaning but imbecilic designer added, but did not test. ARRGH. The same goes for zippers, although I will make allowance that there may be occasions where a zipper on a pocket is defensible, like if you are swinging through the trees like Tarzan, vine- to- vine. Oh, one more thing: the more pockets the better, but not at the expense of making them so tiny that you can't stick your hand in at least up to the forearm to drag out a glove, hat, or handful of kibble.
Best Parka: Hands down my favorite parka for arctic conditions is the Wintergreen full zip anorak. It is made in Minnesota and the people at Wintergreen actually tested it at the North Pole, back when the North Pole was the North Pole. The two ample pockets (see above) have a clever reverse opening feature and NO SNAPS, BUTTONS, ETC. I use the uninsulated model, which at 3 layers of nylon is both breatheable and fairly well- insulated without a gram of goose down, thinsulate, or anything. It has a waist drawcord that basically traps a large envelope of air at your core, providing some insulation. The hood (essential on any piece of outdoor gear, in my opinion), is roomy enough for a ski helmet and snugs down to a circle around your eyes and nose. Now, in arctic conditions, you'll need to wear a couple layers underneath and at least a heavy fleece or sweater. But that's it. (The writer is not getting paid to say any of this).
Velcro: NO!!!!!! Just say NO! Velcro, aka. "hook and loop" closure, has been slapped on just about every piece of outdoor gear imaginable, and in ever- increasing quantities, in the mistaken notion that it is needed, useful, or at least makes you look cool. What it does, I suspect, is add a cheap pad to the maker's profit margin. Meanwhile it functions as a convenient zipper- stop, finger- deflector, doghair- catcher, and causes the garment to be inextricably welded to any similar article with which it comes into close proximity. If you must have something to hold stuff together, put a button, string, or snap, (as long as its not on a pocket, see above). LL Bean (one of my favorites, you may discern), puts it across every pocket on my otherwise useful Pathfinder shorts, thus effectively excluding anyone's hands, including the wearer's. A quick swipe with a soldering iron melts enough of the "hooks" to neutralize the stuff.
Testing: How many garments supposedly made for the outdoors have just been slapped together by some purchasing agent dealing long distance with some manufacturer in some foreign land? One suspects, 99% of it. You can almost sense the logic at work: "Let's see, this sold last year, so maybe we can just change this a little bit, and add one of those, and put on some Velcro, and fool them into buying it again". Why not? It worked last time. DESIGNERS OF THE WORLD: TEST THE STUFF BEFORE YOU SELL IT!!!!! My case in point: the (once again) LL Bean 3- in- one jacket.
It's an appealing idea: put a fleece inside a shell: presto, a 3- in- 1. You can wear either fleece or shell alone. or together. Sounds great on paper, no? Alas, this is a wretched idea! Now this is a pretty good jacket, so long as keeping warm doesn't enter into your requirements. The darn thing has cold spots all over: back, shoulders, arms, and it leaks air like a sieve. Somebody would have discovered this, had they bothered to actually wear it under field conditions, but why do that when they can fool gullible people (me) into buying one? Save your money. Last year's old wool sweater and a vest will work 100% better than this dud.
That's it for now. The opinions expressed herein are strictly my own, based on sad experience, which has festered over the years and now issue in this rant. But I forewarned you, I was grouchy, right?
OK, I've been saving it up and can no longer keep silent. There are some things about gear (clothing, mostly), that I HATE.
Pockets: the main purpose of a pocket is TO PUT STUFF IN. Not to keep stuff out (snow, rain, leaves, pilfering fingers-- all these have separate solutions, NOT FLAPS). Flaps, buttons, and velcro should never ever appear on any pocket! Especially on a jacket, shell, parka or whatever, or on pants. What you want is a pocket big enough to hold your stuff, and most importantly, be able to get your hand into when you want. I can't begin to count the number of deflected reaches I have made for a glove in my LL Bean down jacket-- deflected by the flap that some well- meaning but imbecilic designer added, but did not test. ARRGH. The same goes for zippers, although I will make allowance that there may be occasions where a zipper on a pocket is defensible, like if you are swinging through the trees like Tarzan, vine- to- vine. Oh, one more thing: the more pockets the better, but not at the expense of making them so tiny that you can't stick your hand in at least up to the forearm to drag out a glove, hat, or handful of kibble.
Best Parka: Hands down my favorite parka for arctic conditions is the Wintergreen full zip anorak. It is made in Minnesota and the people at Wintergreen actually tested it at the North Pole, back when the North Pole was the North Pole. The two ample pockets (see above) have a clever reverse opening feature and NO SNAPS, BUTTONS, ETC. I use the uninsulated model, which at 3 layers of nylon is both breatheable and fairly well- insulated without a gram of goose down, thinsulate, or anything. It has a waist drawcord that basically traps a large envelope of air at your core, providing some insulation. The hood (essential on any piece of outdoor gear, in my opinion), is roomy enough for a ski helmet and snugs down to a circle around your eyes and nose. Now, in arctic conditions, you'll need to wear a couple layers underneath and at least a heavy fleece or sweater. But that's it. (The writer is not getting paid to say any of this).
Velcro: NO!!!!!! Just say NO! Velcro, aka. "hook and loop" closure, has been slapped on just about every piece of outdoor gear imaginable, and in ever- increasing quantities, in the mistaken notion that it is needed, useful, or at least makes you look cool. What it does, I suspect, is add a cheap pad to the maker's profit margin. Meanwhile it functions as a convenient zipper- stop, finger- deflector, doghair- catcher, and causes the garment to be inextricably welded to any similar article with which it comes into close proximity. If you must have something to hold stuff together, put a button, string, or snap, (as long as its not on a pocket, see above). LL Bean (one of my favorites, you may discern), puts it across every pocket on my otherwise useful Pathfinder shorts, thus effectively excluding anyone's hands, including the wearer's. A quick swipe with a soldering iron melts enough of the "hooks" to neutralize the stuff.
Testing: How many garments supposedly made for the outdoors have just been slapped together by some purchasing agent dealing long distance with some manufacturer in some foreign land? One suspects, 99% of it. You can almost sense the logic at work: "Let's see, this sold last year, so maybe we can just change this a little bit, and add one of those, and put on some Velcro, and fool them into buying it again". Why not? It worked last time. DESIGNERS OF THE WORLD: TEST THE STUFF BEFORE YOU SELL IT!!!!! My case in point: the (once again) LL Bean 3- in- one jacket.
It's an appealing idea: put a fleece inside a shell: presto, a 3- in- 1. You can wear either fleece or shell alone. or together. Sounds great on paper, no? Alas, this is a wretched idea! Now this is a pretty good jacket, so long as keeping warm doesn't enter into your requirements. The darn thing has cold spots all over: back, shoulders, arms, and it leaks air like a sieve. Somebody would have discovered this, had they bothered to actually wear it under field conditions, but why do that when they can fool gullible people (me) into buying one? Save your money. Last year's old wool sweater and a vest will work 100% better than this dud.
That's it for now. The opinions expressed herein are strictly my own, based on sad experience, which has festered over the years and now issue in this rant. But I forewarned you, I was grouchy, right?
